Fancy Like…
Growing up as a little girl in the South, our families and fellow girlfriends start discussing our hypothetical weddings at an extremely early age. From flower choices to shades of bridesmaids’ dresses, you may or may not be surprised how often the topic is thrown around. As a child of the eighties, I knew exactly what was being discussed every time I heard the Steel Magnolias quote, “my colors (pronounced like kullahs) are blush and bashful.” And while all the little southern girls may be programmed to daydream of their kullahs and distinct wedding palettes, they also dream about the event that leads up to the main event- the proposal.
When I was young and naïve, I always assumed each marriage proposal was grandiose, overly romantic, and based around the element of complete surprise. Perhaps it was because my mother let me watch “All My Children” and “Days of our Lives” starting at the age of four. I distinctly remember being picked up from pre-kindergarten to go home and enjoy a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich in the shape of the Piggly Wiggly mascot at the living room coffee table while eagerly tuning in to see what was happening to my favorite families of Pine Valley or Salem. I’m not complaining, as I still love a good soap opera, but looking back I realize perhaps Erika Kane’s eleven marriage proposals were a little unrealistic.
Fast forward to my own marriage proposal. It did have some element of surprise…as I never thought Applebee’s takeout would be in the engagement story I will tell my children and grandchildren for years to come. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against Applebee’s Grill and Bar. Afterall, it is advertised as a neighborhood favorite, and there’s a current hit country song revolving around the chain restaurant for a date night (shout out Mobile boy, Walker Hayes); however, I never saw it coming regarding my marriage proposal.
It was 2011 when my boyfriend of three going on four (yes four) years and I purchased a house together. It was a few weeks shy of my thirtieth birthday, and I was beginning to wonder whether he was going to shit or get off the pot or if we were going to Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn our way through life. My boyfriend even nonchalantly asked what I would like for my major milestone birthday that was right around the corner. It was as if the answer flew out of my mouth before I could even think about what I was saying. I had zero control of it- like a powerful spirit with an innate response of soap opera, programmed southern girl filled my body when I responded, “If you do not know what I would like for my thirtieth birthday by now, then we have major problems.” Honestly, to this day, I still think he didn’t know what the answer was right away.
Seconds ticked on to days which went on to weeks. Eventually we came to September 13- the day before my thirtieth birthday. At this point, I had all but given up and forgotten about my out of body experience when asked by my boyfriend what I wanted for my birthday. I went on about my day per usual- worked at the hospital then met my friend, Lauren, at the gym. My boyfriend called me as I was leaving the gym at dusk to let me know he had picked up Applebee’s for dinner. “Applebee’s? That’s kind of random. We never eat there.”
“Well, I went and sat at the bar their bar for a little while. Plus, it’s close to the house.”
“You went and sat at the bar at Applebee’s by yourself? Are you okay? Was it a new two-for-one happy hour or something?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just wanted to let you know I got dinner. I’ll see you at the house.”
I hung up the phone and proceeded home. As I walked into the kitchen, I noticed multiple plastic takeout bags piled up on the counter. I was physically exhausted from the cult like Crossfit gym I had been a member of for the past few months. (I had to make sure I could get my stress out from having a noncommittal boyfriend through painful burpees or a ridiculous amount of kettle bell swings). I quickly fixed a plate, then made myself comfortable in front of the television to watch a Jackie Onassis documentary I had been eagerly anticipating. My boyfriend kept asking me mindless questions (like he still loves to do when I am enthralled in a show) as I shot him a lethal side eye, hoping he would get the message to stop speaking so I could hear every minor detail of Jackie’s hidden tapes.
And that is when it happened- right there on the couch as I am covered in sweat, over a plate of the oriental chicken salad and boneless wings from Applebee’s. On the night before my thirtieth birthday, my then boyfriend/ now husband, Taylor, proposed. I must have been blinded by love because I said yes in the less than romantic setting as the smell of hot wings dipped in blue cheese wafted up between my newly adorned fingers. My soap opera watching inner child would have been appalled. Erica Kane would have never thought of accepting one of her eleven marriage proposals over Applebee’s takeout. She would have obviously expected much more- perhaps a candlelit dinner in an actual booth. When I think back of all the slumber party discussions of hypothetical future proposals or late-night college conversations between sorority sisters, I never in a million years, thought my engagement story would involve takeout from a standard chain restaurant. Nevertheless, something must have worked, as we just celebrated ten years of marriage. However, we have never had Applebee’s takeout again.
So, in conclusion, I have committed to raising my son to realize how important the thought-out engagement proposal is (you’re welcome future daughter-in-law). Even though, I know it ultimately will not matter if the one he chooses truly does love him. And I will raise my daughter to have realistic expectations when it comes to a potential suitor popping the question and let her know that what we see on television and the movies may not match up to every day, ordinary life, but that she can make her own magic for herself. And I guess, whether I like it or not, I’ll always have to have a soft spot for our local neighborhood grill and bar.
Want to be fancy like Applebee’s? Add this candle to your kitchen and see what happens. I doubt it smells like wings, but I can’t make any promises.
I love this article by the LA times on Walker Hayes. This Mobile, Alabama, native deserves all the praise from his catchy tune. Fun fact- he and his family have a genuine Waffle House booth in their kitchen. I’d love to order some Applebee’s takeout with them just to see it.
Give this gift to any southern woman in your life, and I guarantee she will love it. Her kullahs are more than likely blush and bashful, too. It would also serve as a really fun engagement gift!
Who knew there were so many Erica Kane wedding barbies out there? They are all over Ebay. (I believe this was circa 1993 from one of her weddings to Dimitri).
Finally, if you know any young men with serious girlfriends, maybe slip this book to them on the down low. It can’t hurt!