Candlelight Catastrophe

I was recently at my beloved hair stylist’s studio getting my routine highlights and self- care maintenance when a casual story came up regarding candlelights and college engagements when I was in school. Eric, my hair stylist, about fell out in disbelief as I told this story of a very southern engagement tradition. And he truly about fell out when I told him that twenty years later, this tradition still stands.

I’ll never forget being a senior in college at the University of Mississippi, or “Ole Miss”, as we lovingly refer to it. My friend and I were partaking in the typical fall Saturday game day tailgating activities in the Grove on campus. Now, tailgating in the Grove involves fabulous outfits, heavy day-drinking, delicious catered food atop beautiful, well-planned tablescapes, and handsome dates to the football game. However, that particular afternoon, we had everything but the handsome dates to the game. You see, for whatever reason, my friends and I decided to break up with each of our boyfriends at the start of our senior year. It was a complete domino effect. Those relationships bit the dust about every other day until every single one of them were done. I’d like to think we were being smart, but in hindsight I think we freaked out about the possibility of getting married right out of college.

I’ll never forget my mother looking at me and my friend with concern written all over her face. It was a lovely fall afternoon with SEC football and colorful leaves of burnt oranges and bright yellows in the air. After taking a sip of her freshly poured margarita, she finally said to us, “Girls. I can’t believe you all dumped your boyfriends. Who are you going to find to marry you now?” Our twenty-one year old selves looked at each other in both disgust and disbelief, and simply walked away into the ocean of red and blue tailgating tents while I yelled to my mom, “I cannot deal with you. Absolutely not.”

To my mother’s defense, it was not her first margarita of the day, and she is from a generation where the typical marriage occurred right after college, if not before the end of it. She herself waited until she was twenty-four years old to marry my father, which I’m sure she got plenty of flak for back then. And my mother could be described as a very traditional southern female- think a blonde, Julia Sugarbaker-esque, southern belle with a thick drawl, a conservative mind, sharp tongue, and quick wit. So, the concerned questioning was not too surprising. Perhaps the margarita just made her true thoughts and worries bubble to the surface. Besides, we were in one of the most relaxed environments one could be in. Maybe she felt like it was a safe place to ask the seemingly tough questions?

Ole Miss is a heavily Greek school. That being said, there are strong traditions that occur in the fraternities and sororities. The particular one that my hair stylist was blown away by was the tradition of the candlelight. A candlelight typically occurs during a girl’s senior year. If someone has found their true love before then, it can by all means occur earlier. Regardless, a girl would become engaged to be married and tell only one person in her sorority, typically the chapter president. The president would let the rest of the chapter know there was going to be a candlelight the following week, and the women would all attend accordingly. During this event, a lit candle with the diamond engagement ring around it is passed through the entire room while all the women are singing. The ring passes at least once, so that all the women can get a chance to view (or judge) the timeless piece of jewelry- obviously. The local florist usually attached some flowers to the base of the candle as well. Ours were always white roses and greenery to coordinate with our particular sorority flower and colors of course. Once the candle was passed around the room a few times, the newly engaged woman would blow out the flame to let everyone in the room know she was in fact the one who would be planning a wedding over the next few months and would ask about fifteen or so of the girls to stand beside her as bridesmaids. Squeals of delight usually follow, and the bride to be is always given the chance to tell the romantic story of how the groom-to-be proposed. And that is how a candlelight went… and still goes. It could be viewed as ridiculous, but I am here to tell you that there are truly people who hope and pray for their very own candlelight ceremony.

Needless to say, my particular pledge class was one of the first of our sorority, if not the first, to NOT have a candlelight. We rebelled hard. We still laugh about it to this day and wonder how disappointed or concerned our mothers really were. I’m sure most of them thought it was an complete catastrophe. Now, there is nothing wrong with what can be a beautiful moment, but my group of friends were clinging on to every inch of college we had, and the thought of an engagement during senior year suffocated the life out of us. And props to those who knew early that their search for love was done. I guess we all just needed a few more frogs to kiss before getting our MRS degree.

Honestly, I was quite surprised that my hair stylist, Eric, had never heard of a candlelight. Besides, he is a born and raised Nashvillian who is always around Southern women in need of a good blow out. I believe his response after much laughter and disbelief was, “I cannot believe you had those at your college!”

To which I responded, “Had? Candlelights are still going on to this day on southern college campuses near and far! I cannot believe you have never heard of them!”

In conclusion, may I add that my personal belief in engagements, young or old, candlelight or no candlelight is simple: to each his own. May we all be so lucky to find someone we want to hang out with forever at a young age! Or may we all be so lucky to live a fulfilled, independent life, free of the responsibilities of a significant other! But, you do have to admit, there is something to be said about a good ole southern tradition…even if it does seem a little ridiculous.

For the Love of the Game

It’s in the Drawl Y’all