Baby You Can Drive My Car

The more I write, the more I realize that I have been a natural observer my entire life. I am sure most writers could say the same. Someone once told me they asked the great novelist, John Grisham, how he comes ups with ideas for his books, and his response was, “Easy. I just observe people.”

Now, an observation I have made over the last few years is how good young teenagers have it when getting their first cars. I am very aware of the privilege that implies, but it is interesting how different things are from my time as a teen. Nowadays, I see young girls and boys getting brand new models fresh off the lot, when during my time in the nineties, we were lucky (and grateful) to get anything to drive. We were simply happy to have something that would get us from point A to point B. Even my friend whose family owned the car dealership ended up with an old, used first car. When I think back, our circumstances made for some pretty hilarious moments…and first cars.

One example of an incredible first car would be my own brother’s. He was (and still is) extremely laid back and always went with the flow, so my parents most likely knew he would not put up a fight when he was told he would have to share his first car with our seventy-six year old grandmother who had recently moved in with us. I’ll never forget when the two got their new whip- it was a hunter green, 1992 Mitsubishi Galant, with power seat belts that automatically buckled you in when the engine cranked. After all, between a fifteen year old boy and a seventy- six year old grandmother, safety needed to be a priority. I still cannot imagine my brother having to respond when his friends asked if they could take his car, “I don’t know. I’ll have to check with Granny first.” Thank God it was him and not me.

When I received my first car, it was a 1987 grey Acura legend with a button on the side of the gear stick that would take the car from zero to one- hundred in six seconds. What?!? Why on Earth would a teenager need this? I’ll never forget when my friends, Chad and Sam, tried that button out on two different occasions. Let’s just say I’m glad we survived. The legend was truly a legend- with leather seats so hardened, they could never be damaged. Remember those car lighters that used to be in the dash? Even those couldn’t burn through that interior -not that I ever tried. The only problem I ever really had with her was when she broke down in a Wendy’s drive through line when I was trying to get some French fries before after school dance practice. I’ve never seen those Wendy’s workers move so fast when they came out of every door and window of the building to push the legend over to the side so the drive through line didn’t get too backed up.

There were always the nicknames, too. The best and most hilarious cars got their very own label. My friend Laura had Sylvia the Civic. It was a dark green, small, zoomy car that raced around town while Grateful Dead and Widespread Panic blared from the windows. The ceiling was decorated with burn holes from people accidentally putting out their cigarettes (remember this was the nineties) every time she went over a bump or a pot hole. It was a real life Mario Kart of our generation. Katie had Charlie the Cherokee- a lovely, light blue jeep that she bebopped around in while listening to her 311 jams. And my friend, Hillary, had her light green, boxy pathfinder which was in about fourteen fender benders, give or take a few. There was a time she was the last car of a five car pile-up- not the first… the last. Thankfully no one was seriously injured, but first is not the position you want to be in during that situation. Needless to say, the old trusty pathfinder kept her safe and could take a beating since it had already seen a few before she had inherited it.

I believe my all-time favorite high school car was the Eggplant, though. The Eggplant, as we so lovingly called it, was driven by my friend, Todd. He had inherited his grandmother’s 1990- ish Chrysler New Yorker, and it was a perfect shade of purple-maroon. Its tail end was so low to the ground it barely hovered above the asphalt while driving. However, the backseat was so comfortable, it could be the perfect place to take a quick nap if needed. You could even stretch your legs out the entire way with all the leg room it had.

Another favorite was driven by a short, red headed, freckled face kid name Guy (God rest his soul) who was funny, quirky in the best way, and fairly new to our school. Somehow he got his hands on an old, navy blue El Camino. Although only one or two people could ride with him at a time, you always knew who was coming when you saw that El Camino round the corner. But seriously, is there a better first car than an old-school El Camino? That car alone makes for some pretty incredible memories during quite an impressionable time in life.

So, today when I see so many teenagers getting the car of their dreams, I think about how they could miss out on the hilarious memories with their first cars that may or may not be a grandparent’s hand me down. I think about how they may not have something to look forward to or feel a huge accomplishment when they buy their first brand new car themselves. It makes me sad they may never have an Eggplant or a Sylvia to zoom around town in, only to laugh about how silly they all looked while just being grateful for any mode of transportation and ounce of freedom.

So, in conclusion, I say when it comes to first cars- let’s bring back the oldies but the goodies! They’ll sure make for some great memories.

Check out this hilarious collection of stories by columnist, Bill Sherk. They’ll be sure to put a smile on your face.

Another collection of stories about first cars from notable drivers is My First Car by Matt Stone.

These hilarious key chains make great gifts for drivers of all ages. Check them out at Ruby and Pearl Boutique of Hillsboro, Texas.

This is the End

The Great Flood